I'm in a weird spot in life these days.
My absence from blogging lately is mostly because although I want to be real with you, I want to be an encouragement of sorts. There has been a whole lot that I could have said, but I desperately don't want to be a sinkhole of negativity. Nobody really likes a Negative Nancy, right?
Overall, I think I'm learning that life is spent more in "weird spots" than in normal, perfectly happy ones. You grow more when you're uncomfortable than you do when everything is flowing along smoothly. I never want to be okay with not growing and becoming stronger.
That being said, I'm extremely happy in my unhappiness. Clear as mud, yeah?
There is something I've been praying about for a long time. I'm not ready to share exactly what it is yet, but it's something that has caused me much discomfort over the last couple of months. It has robbed me of sleep and made me cranky at times. I've cried and I've wanted to scream out of frustration. And I've prayed. A lot.
The last several days, I've been trying to pray about it but just feel like I don't even had the words anymore. How do you pray when you've prayed everything you know to pray? When you're so tapped out mentally that you don't even want to think anymore?
Throughout my life, I've always had a place I could go to just be still and listen instead of blabbing away. To sit down with my prayer journal and just spill my heart out without holding back. To listen to music and just worship my Creator. In the past, I've been close enough to the edge of town (or lived in a small enough town...) that I could get in my car and just drive until there were no more distractions. Just me and God.
Since I've moved to the DFW area, I have realized that it is impossible for me to drive like that because I would have to drive for hours (literally) to get away from the distractions of the city. Also, there is a good chance I would wind up getting myself lost, and that totally defeats the purpose of having a quiet retreat. :)
There is a small "canal" across the street from our apartment complex. If you follow me on Facebook at all, I've referenced the canal and a certain doggy of mine taking a Superman dive into it after a duck the other day. *sigh* Well, they have planted cattails and scattered large rocks along the sides of it to try make it look nice, instead of just a drainage ditch. Much to my delight, one of the rocks hangs just over the edge of the water, and is a nice flat spot for sitting. I spent quite a bit of time there the other night. Despite the fact that they're building another apartment complex on the other side of the canal, and the fact that we basically live on the DFW airport runway (...or at least it sounds like it) I had the most amazing quiet time there.
I wrote in my journal a little bit, but mostly I just sat and listened. Have you ever experienced how calming the rippling of water is? How healing the wind is as it brushes tears off your cheek? How amazing it is to sit and observe the presence of a MIGHTY God, right in the middle of His creation?
I sat down on the rock that night feeling like a mental and emotional wreck, and stood up to leave feeling refreshed and peaceful. How thankful I am for my walk with the Great I Am!
So this is my place, where is your favorite spot to experience the presence of God?