Tuesday, October 16, 2012

"I saw it on Pinterest!"

Everyone has heard of Pinterest, right? You know, the virtual place that shows you how to create a beautiful wall hanging from a toilet paper tube, bake cakes or meals with 3 ingredients or less, teaches you 12,357 uses for olive oil, or how to do your hair in any way you could possibly imagine....THAT Pinterest.

Although I don't "pin" much on my boards (because really...everyone would know my secrets if I actually pinned stuff) I spend quite a bit of time perusing the site. It's amazing!

But sometimes, I feel like people put random stuff out there just to see who's gullible enough to try it. (read: I'm gullible enough) I can't help but feel like someone somewhere is watching me try their ideas and laughing their heads off.

I mean, I'm not paranoid or anything...

First, there was this pin:

Always eager to save some money, I tried this one when my cyan ink ran out in my printer at work the other day. No joke, I think I spent 10 minutes trying to find a reset button on that blasted ink cartridge.


If you find one on your ink cartridges, send me a picture and make me a believer.

I also tried one with a two ingredient recipe for lemon bars. Delicious, chewy lemon bars with only TWO ingredients?? Yes please!

You know what mine looked like? A cake. A very poofy cake that spilled over the sides of the cake pan while it was baking. Not cool Pinterest. Not cool at all.

Finally, this one:

Since I'm currently experiencing a horrendous breakout on my face, I was ALL OVER this one! Plus, it's so much cheaper than buying the expensive pore strips.

I have to be honest, the jury's out on what I think of this one. Mainly because I'm still sitting here with the goo on my face.

It smells like rotten flesh and I have zero face mobility at the moment.

I also might have gotten a little close to my eyes and my bottom lashes are glued to my face. All in the name of beauty, right? Matt is totally getting a kick out of this process ("What's that supposed to do to your face?" "You look like one of those women who got Botox and can't move their face!") and keeps making me laugh. But  I can't move my face so I'm sitting here rocking back and forth laughing like an owl "Hoohoohoohoo..."

We're a mess I tell you.

I think I might need to stay away from the pins that sound too good(easy, cheap) to be true. Maybe I should just look at the clothes or decorating ideas. It would certainly be a little safer! :)

Does anyone have a chisel I could borrow? I think it's time to remove my granite mask...


Tuesday, October 2, 2012

Self Therapy

Writing is therapeutic for me. Sometimes I hesitate to blog because I often write from a place of extreme emotion (happy, sad, or other) and it can come across as too personal and raw. Occasionally I choose to throw caution to the wind and share what goes on in the deepest parts of my heart and mind because I think that surely there is someone out there who has felt the same way...

When I think about the way I've always pictured my life, I have to admit that it isn't what I always expected that it would be.

There. I said it.

I want to believe that I'm making a difference in the world. Right this moment, if I could, I'd open a battered women's shelter. I'd be a foster parent. I'd run an orphanage in Kenya. I'd feed the homeless and comfort the sick.

The other day I was telling someone about my Bucket List and said that I feel quite certain I'll need about five lifetimes to accomplish everything I want to accomplish. Surely I'm not the only one who feels overwhelmed by things I want to do with my life? Yet in my state of overwhelmed-ness, I'm doing nothing that really matters in the grand scheme of the world. I have a job that I genuinely enjoy. I'm good at what I do, and I truly don't dread going to work in the mornings. But does it make a difference?

Matt and I have been married for over four years now. If you'd asked me while we were engaged what our life would look like in four years, this isn't it. I thought we'd have a house. I thought we'd have kids.

Don't get me wrong, life is great overall. But if I'm completely honest with you I have to admit that I feel a little...disappointed.

There is a growing restlessness in me that I just can't put my finger on. I question things a lot more than I used to. Things like, Am I being the best wife that I could be? Am I the best daughter/sister/auntie that I could be? Do people know that they can count on me? Am I a good friend?

Am I living my life to it's fullest potential today and every day? Or am I missing opportunities in which I could be making a difference left and right? I am caught in a place where I feel like I'm waiting for my life to start and watching it pass me by at the same time.

I don't know how to pull this one together. How to make my point yet wrap it all up with a cute story or comment about how everything in life is rainbows and cupcakes. But you know what? I have to think that it's okay if I don't always have all the answers. It's okay to sometimes feel confused and frustrated.

A coworker gave me a bracelet a couple of weeks ago with a small anchor charm on it. She had no idea what was going on in my life that very week, but I was anticipating some news that could either have been very good or very bad. As soon as I saw the anchor shape of the charm, the first thing that popped in my head was "my anchor holds." No matter what type of news I received, I knew God had a plan and everything would be okay. Over and over those three words rang in my head..."My anchor holds. My anchor holds. My ANCHOR holds."

I ended up getting good news. The news I was hoping for. But you know what? The same three words holds true today in this situation.

I feel a little confused, but my anchor holds.

I'm restless and uncertain, but my anchor holds.

Thank you Jesus for being an anchor that holds!