Empty

I'm feeling very lonely these last couple of days. Maybe it's the fact that it's a holiday weekend, and that makes me think of all the Easters back home with my family...

Egg hunts that would last several hours.

My cousins and I dumping all our candy out and trading it back and forth.

Just being with my family.

It's so easy to take those things for granted. You never think about how great it is until it's not that way anymore. But in my case, if I went back to the way it was, I wouldn't have my amazing husband, my sweet puppies, my house....none of the things that I take for granted now. Is that what my life is?? A series of events or phases that I will take for granted until they are gone?

I want it to be different.

I NEED it to be different.

Max Lucado was speaking on the radio the other day about this Easter weekend. He pointed out how everyone obviously puts a lot of emphasis on both Friday and Sunday, but you rarely hear anything about that Easter Saturday. He described the day as being sad and silent. Jesus' followers were waiting.....unsure what to do or think. Then he pointed out how he believes that many Christians are stuck on Saturday. They have been saved, believe in the power of God, yet there is something lacking. There is some kind of doubt....

...FEAR.

That really struck a chord with me. It kind of sums up how I've been feeling for quite some time. This spiritual "rut" that I'm in. It's like I've been waiting to get my life in order. To learn how to be a wife, an accountant, to live away from my family, to move to a (very) different state....to be an adult. After that it was the struggle of trying to find a church that we liked. One that taught truth, but that wasn't stuck in giving you a set of rules or expectations to meet.

Then it was friends....we didn't have any.

All that is different now. We've made an amazing group of friends, found an awesome church, my job is going awesome, and Matt and I are really happy. And yet I'm still stuck on "Saturday".

I want it to be different.

I NEED it to be different.


I'm going to tell you something awesome....ready? I may be stuck on "Saturday" right now, but Sunday's coming! It always does! And you know what happens on Sunday? Jesus gets the final victory! I think I may be experiencing some loneliness right now to prepare my heart. I am so desperate to have that closeness with my Savior. The closeness I haven't felt in a very long time. I can feel the walls starting to shake, and soon all these struggles will be nothing.

Joy comes in the morning!

~SM~